The Snark: Replies to Racial Discussions Gone Downhill

White people freak out when you talk about race. This freak-out actually has a name – white fragility – and it comes out whenever (most but not all) white people are confronted with their inherent privilege. They get defensive. They get angry. They feel “unsafe” and “harassed.” They also mount utterly predictable, rather obnoxious comebacks.

Here are the snarky comebacks.

Well, why can’t we talk about “white pride” for once?

Because the KKK ruined that for you.

 

Why isn’t there a white history month?

There is. We call it March through January.

 

640px-President_Barack_ObamaRacism is over. We have a black president.

Yes, and his American citizenship isn’t routinely questioned by the not-so-far right. Nor is he accused of being a Muslim, by people who use that as an insult.

 

They just play the race card.

As opposed to the white cards, the straight cards, the male cards, the rich cards, or the straight-rich-white-man card that trumps everything?

 

Why can’t I say the N word/the R word? They do.

Because you’re white, dumbass… why do you want to say that?

 

There are white people and there’s white trash and there are black people/Native Americans and there’s n*ggers/r-words.

Every ethnic group has assholes. You can’t use ethnic slurs to denigrate them.

 

I have black friends.

Who are coughing awkwardly and moving away from you right now.

 

Well I’m not a racist. 

If you’re saying this, you probably are.

 

theraWell my great-grandfather came through Ellis Island and he never owned slaves and he worked for everything he had and built himself up from nothing so you can’t accuse me of being racist.

You don’t have to own slaves to be racist.

 

Why do we have to talk about racism all the time?

You’re trying to shut down the conversation.

 

Everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes.

Thanks, Avenue Q.

 

But I never got anything handed to me and … [insert Horatio Alger story]

This isn’t the suffering olympics. Your life might suck, but that doesn’t mean other people’s lives don’t suck in unique and various ways that have nothing to do with your experience of sucking.

 

You’re not black, so what do you care? 

I’m human. Also, I have black friends who are not moving away from me slowly and coughing. At least right now.

 

What responses do you get to discussions about racism? How do you answer them?